Moving to http://greaterthanscooterblog.blogspot.com/

For those of you who follow this patchy-ass blog (read: no one), the blog will be starting over here. That's right, greaterthanscooterblog.blogspot.com . Because it's all I can get.

The Thr33 LOL Pigg3hz

Once upon a midnight dreary, as I pondered...

Oops. Let me start again.

Once upon a tiem, there were these three pigs. [Plot Hole] Who had fallen into rather inconsiderately placed vat-o-chemicals, causing them to mutate into horrendous super-pigs that can walk and speak and shit. Oh, and a wolf fell in, too. [/Plot Hole]

So anyway, these 3 pigs were walking around in this big forest, and decided that they needed to settle down and get houses so as to attract freakish mutie-pig mates. And so they began constructing houses.

The first one, Sucky McWeakling, was a pansy-ass douche and so half-assed his house by building it out of fail. And because he's just so goddamn pathetic, he decided that it was good enough. However, he did not plan for what was to happen. The aforementioned cancerous wolf-creature was slithering along, and caught a whiff of Sucky and his shit-house. Drawn by the pungent odor, he oozed up to the door.
"Little Pig, Little Pig, Let me in."
"Is that supposed to scare me? Really?" replied Sucky.
"Not really. It's just part of the formulaic exchange we are plot bound to make. This is the part where you say no, and somehow link that to your facial hair."
"Oh. Well then. Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin."
"Yeah? Well FUCK YOU!!!!111!1"

So the tumor-ridden carnivor blew a mighty gale of wind into the fail-house, and Sucky was left no option but run to his brother's house.

The brother, Mediocre McMedium (apparently the pigs were Irish) was a little more safety oriented, and slightly more ambitious in his home building. But he still didn't do much, and so had a house made of Meh.
When his brother came calling, Mediocre stuck his fuck-nugget of a brother in the basement with the cockroaches and other slimy things. Hearing that there was a wolf on the way, Mediocre also tried to make some improvements to the home, but as we all know, you can have all the meh in the world, and it will still be only meh.

So this time the wolf, tired of chasing the first brother, skipped the exchange entirely.
"Look you assholes, I just ran 3 miles after that shitwidget pig on 5 and 3/5 legs. Do you have any idea how difficult that is? Just open the fucking door so I can eat you, and lets be done."
"Not by the hair of our-"
"DON'T YOU FUCKING SAY IT YOU GODDAMN SWINE! SO HELP ME, IF YOU FINISH THAT, I WILL DEFILE YOU IN WAYS YOU CANNOT EVEN COMPREHEND! I WILL PREFORM ACTS ON YOU BODIES, LIVING AND DEAD, THAT EVEN YOUR DISEASED, FUNGAL MINDS WOULD DISINTEGRATE INTO PULPY GREEN MUSH JUST FROM THINKING ABOUT, IF YOU COMPLETE THAT SENTENCE."
"... Dude. What the fuck is your problem?" Said Mediocre through the door.
"Just fucking let me in." Mumbled the wolf.
"Negative."
"Please?"
"No."

So the wolf, thoroughly pissed, huffed and puffed and whatnot, and the meh house collapsed.

The brothers, with only one option, fled to the safety of their oldest brother's house.

This brother, Strongy MacBadass (this one's Scottish) was trained by the Army Corp of Engineers (and while this would normally mean that whatever he built would break when most needed, he's actually good at what he does) and is a fucking beast, and so built a house made of win. That is, if win is inch-thick titanium plating, reinforced outer walls, automated 50 caliber turrets, razor wire, and 5 robotic attack dogs, all powered by the limp form of Jesus strapped into a chair underneath the complex (we'll pretend here that jesus is magic).

When the wolf approached this unconquerable fortress, he had an inkling that he was well and truly fucked. But, starving by now, he strode up to the main gate. Knowing that threats and blowing (giggity) would not gain him entry, he opted for the sly method.

"UPS."
"Just leave it on the doorstep."
"No can do, buddy. I need a signature."
Strongy, no dumbass like his needle-dicked siblings, had installed a camera system in his home, and could see that this was no friendly UPS deliver-man, bearing who-knows what fantastic items from faraway lands, but was really a sadistic, malformed, odious, throbbing yellow pustule covered wolf.
"Mr. Wolf, I must ask that you vacate the premises. If you do not, I will be forced to take lethal action."
"Umm... Ok. I'll just leave then-"
"ACTIVATE SECURITY SYSTEM!"

With that, the whole compound came to life, turrets firing, flamethrowers flaming, spinning blades whirring, landmines exploding, and general mayhem ensuing. This continued for about 30 minutes or so, and when the ricochets and echos went silent, only scraps of gangrenous, green fur and clouds of sickly yellow pus remained of the wolf. And the moral of the story is this:

DISPOSE OF YOUR CHEMICAL WASTE PROPERLY.

Holy Fuck

Wow. I just was reading some of my older posts, and I just saw myself ask for comments.
ASK.
FOR.
COMMENTS.

Now, I don't know about you, but in my not-so-humble opinion, that shit is, as they say, whack. No one, I don't care where they are posting, what they are posting, or why, should ever ask for comments. Even if what they are posting is horrible, like a blog post promoting the KKK raping children on top of crushed kittens while eating a whooping crane, snowy owl, baby penguin meat medley, asking for comments on their posts makes the post infinitely worse. I feel dirty just having it on my site.

Wait, I can edit my posts, can't I.
Well...
Fuck.

So much for that plan...

Ok, I guess it was too much to hope for that I would keep up blogging for very long after I said I would (in fucking January), but I didn't even make it another post! And I even said I would start "regularly posting" again after my long vacation. Ah, well. I guess I'll just try again here. So anyway, a little 'me' update...

Not much has changed since last time, I am nearly done with the school year, though, and am getting nearer to graduation.

That's pretty much it.

Yeah, I know. Isn't my life so interesting? Don't exiting occurrences just come a-calling so often for me? DON'T THEY? TOTALLY!

That's not depressing at all. Not one little bit.

;_;

The Refurb

Well, I've decided. This blog, previously for use only for camaro related topics, is now branching out into, well, whatever I feel like. Which is why I changed the head(Giggity)er from car stuff to an altered picture of me. I think it really says a lot about me, that pic. It's like staring through a window into my soul, glimpsing the whirling chaos in the deepest recesses of my convoluted mind. Or it could just be a funny looking picture. I haven't decided. 

I feel that I'm going to start really blogging again, for the first time in about a year. Sure, there have been other posts, but none very long or interesting. You can pretty much disregard them. In fact, re-reading all my previous posts, you can pretty much just disregard everything done before this post. Everything. Not just things in this blog, but absolutely EVERYTHING. That job? Disregard it. Spouse and kids? Disregard 'em. Fatal allergies? Disregard. But not kitties. I like kitties. And FEAR.

So I suppose I should talk about what has gone on in my life since my last post, then. Problem is, I really don't want to take the time. So what I'm going to do is this: type everything as fast as I can, without worrying about punctuation, spelling, or even spacing. Ready... Set...

ok so now im in 12 grade thats a senior and it really is going alot faster than 11 grade everyone said that it would and i didnt belidve them but i guess i should have cause it is so anyway im liking some of my classes and hating a bunch of others ap us gov is pretty good and so is raqet sports which suprised me because I usually dont like sports but i think tht ever sicne i started that class ive felt alot better and gotten better sleep so i guess that exercising more is wat i needed so anyway i really hate my care and preveetionof athletic inuries and the teacher of that class mr supple really hates me but he has a really funny name that makes me think of boobs so thats all good really it isnt that hard to make teenage boys think of boobs haha so anyway my mom got married in hawaii which was wierd and shes alos pregnant which is even wierder and shes got married to dana a marine and were buds and stuff we played risk alot god i love that game and i guess this is what u would call stream of consiousness isnt it im thinking it than typingit without any real filter or anything so i guess that last time i said anything seth and sasha lived in dads basement well they dont anymore and now dad and jess are engaged i guess so thats intreresting too and i started going on twitter which is like im and facebook updates combind holy hell ive typed alot this way we just got a new coffee tabel well really its a big trunk that ive decided to name jimmy hoffa after the missing mobster maybe hes in the trunk get it i bet that would make a good stroy a family has a big trunk in their house that they use as a table but they cant find the key so they dont know whats in it and its been in their family a long time and then they open it and its something cool like a body or treasre or the arc of teh covenent or somthing maybe ill write that book someday could be good but would prabably suck so i think im pretty much done with this bit oh i also have a tv in my room now which is cool k done.

Whew... that was intense. I barely know what the fuck I said. I hope I didn't say anything too personal... you never know who could be reading this...

Ah... nothing like some good serial killer humor. 

Well.

Hmmm... It's been nearly a goddamn year since my last post. Or maybe less, I don't actually feel the need to verify what I'm saying....

MUCH LIKE FOX NEWS!

Ba-zing.

Dear fudging god.

Wow. Just, wow. It's been, like, 5 months since my last post. Sounds like I'm in AA. "Hi, I'm Scott, and I'm a postaholic. It's been 5 months since my last post". Anyway... actually, I'm tired right now, and don't feel like doing this right now. I'll try again tomarrow. Really, I should just give up on this thing, it's not like anyone follows this anymore.

*sigh*